New Viruses discovered:
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple computer.
RONALD REAGAN VIRUS: Saves your data but forgets where they are stored.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.